The Asylum Keepers

After the last of them had finally left, a sense of anticlimax seemed to fall over everyone, followed by an undeniable restlessness.

For weeks we had campaigned to get rid of them, and the drive had banded us together in a way we had never been joined before. Intense and constant talks, planning, logistics, strategy. It gave us a purpose few of us had experienced, and filled us with a kind of fizzing liveliness that pushed us all to our very limits and forced many out of their shells in ways we hadn't experienced most of our lives.

Most of all it was the sense that our purpose was noble. It was a community effort that drove those away who were threatening our way of life. The place we lived was a great place. We knew we were lucky to be born in such a place, but we had also worked hard to make the best of what we had there. Generations lived in our community, some so deeply encrusted with elements and memories taken from their long lives of long journeys, that they served as an inspiration to us all. For a new colony to blow in, attach themselves because they thought the location was good and suited their needs, was simply not on. We had to protect our interests. Living well was sometimes hard work, and when it was a matter of us or them, charity was out of the question.

But now we simply had nothing to do, and the hangover of the common enemy proved only to dampen spirits. It was back to the same old same old. Grabbing food, eating food, building yourself up, searching for love, or being searched for love. The thrill of life which we had briefly experienced had undeniably gone.

The experience, however, would not be forgotten.

The day the first one was spotted it was floating past on a current. Perhaps a mere accident of chance had brought it there, and fate could just have easily have swept it away but the current was docile, and the stranger made a move to come closer. They loitered briefly, suspiciously, and then, just as easily as they had appeared, they was gone again. Some time later rumours had started to circulate that there were more of them, living on a piece of driftwood close by, and that they were looking for a new place to live. The thought of a clan of mussels, to stupid, ignorant and lazy to make their home on a solid foundation, coming to our whale, quickly incited uncertainty and anger amongst us.

The day they arrived and started attaching themselves the water was almost boiling with hostility. Many were saying that we simply didn't have the resources to house any more on the whale. Mussels were well known to eat more and live far less cleanly than us barnacles, and letting them on would ultimately be letting down the neighbourhood. There were a few of the softer minded amongst us who insisted that it would be alright, that we should give it a try, and take pity on the mussels who were not fortunate enough to be born near a rock or pillar good enough to live on. But certain older members of the community knew that this was dangerous thinking. "You can't trust them. They arrived here by being sneaky. They'll come in, eat all our food and pretty soon there won't even be any room for us. Plus, you know what mussles are like- they detach themselves from a place whenever it suits them. We've lived here a long time and worked hard at becoming a strong colony. These invaders will be the ruin of us!"

So we banded together in an almighty cold shoulder, and it worked, they were gone. But what of the colony now? Everyone seemed dispirited, unsure, and some even expressed feelings of guilt.

"Look" I heard someone say. "This is a great whale. I feel proud to be a member of the colony on this great whale. We don't live on a rock, where fish would hassle us daily. We don't live on a ship, always looking over our shoulder for the danger of being scraped off. We are very lucky to live on this great whale. But we have a responsibility to keep this whale great. Sure we can let the odd stray limpet, looking for a place to stay, attach itself. That's fine. But once you start letting dishonest mussels in well, there's no telling where it will end."

So now what we were left with was a colony brimming with uncertainty. My head, attached to the stomach of the whale, throbbed with confusion as I battled with the ethical implications of my colony's actions. The confusion plagued me for days until I felt my neighbours giant penis reach over and tap on my shell. Ah well, I thought, back to real life.


FACT

*Barnacles have the biggest penis to body ratio of any species.