Things I have Done Since Becoming Unemployed

Those who have been following the chronicles of my “funemployment” jaunt may be interested in how I have been spending my time since the GFC sword fell upon my head. The following are just a few of the activities I have been entertaining myself with whilst firmly ignoring reality.

Not Washed My Hair

A long time ago my dear mother told me she heard on the radio that shampoo was a capitalist plot and that I should stop washing my hair, and just let nature take it’s course on me head. According to the program she heard, shampoo is one of the many items our consumer culture has unnecessarily driven home to us as essential. She heard that if you stop washing your hair with shampoo and start just using water, eventually the natural oils will regulate themselves and your hair will no longer need washing. I was dubious, as I enjoy hygiene, so I ignored her, however now I have given more thought to the situation. It do still indulge in the Capitalist consumer sin of washing my hair with shampoo, often while give sexualised fashion dolls to tweens, and kicking caged-hens with my Nikes, but I do it less often that usual. I have noticed that the more one washes one’s hair, the greasier and smellier it gets, so I’ve been trying to cut back, and with the perfect environment to do it in, ie- not associating with anyone who has to take me serious on a professional level, I have been able to stand the greasy head.

Bought A Banjo

And she’s a beauty. I think I’m going to call her “banjo”. I can’t possibly think of anything wrong with this purchase at the moment. It’s tuned to an open chord so it’s fairly easy to play, and everyone loves the banjo! Everyone. Even you! The guy who sold it to me told me about his father who used to play in a bluegrass band. Apparently, whenever a fight broke out the band would bring out the banjo and people just mellowed the fuck out. They got happy and started dancing. In the face of redundancy many people takes steps to improve their skills set. I feel I have now ticked that box.

Vandalised Shit

Today, I was downstairs doing my laundry and my next-door neighbour asked me if I wanted to go and create some “street art” with him. I said yes, even though I had a very busy funemployement schedule of playing the banjo and reading 1950’s romance novels all day ahead of me. We went out to La Perouse and painted a wall with a picture of these two little alien-like girls in matching pea coats with Shirley Temple curls and a bunch of space houses behind them. My neighbour is a phenomenal artist, and the work he usually produces is amazing. This wall, with my contribution, was somewhat less so, but a fun time was had nonetheless. Some dero and his dog came up and told us it was “unreal”. I’M A PART OF THE COMMUNITY, HEY!

I hope I’m painting this picture for you accurately. Basically I have become and unwashed, banjo-playing, criminal. I have taken no real steps toward becoming gainfully employed and my bedtime hours have firmly slotted into those of a total miscreant.

And guess what…

I’m outrageously happy right now.