Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland Not For The Far Sighted

I haven’t been to the picture shows in a while, and I was fairly excited to go and see Alice in Wonderland last night, not in the least because I was to see the film on a ‘date’- an actual ‘date’- I got picked up at eight o’clock just like in the movies and I was given a ‘flower’. I wanted my housemate to stand menacingly at the doorway and shout out “I know every cop in town, Bucko!” but he wouldn’t have a bar of it, because he is not a team player.

Alice in Wonderland is the first movie I have seen in the latest incarnation of 3D technology. The last time I saw a 3D film was at the age of 11 in the iMax cinema. For that I think we were given bulky headgear and my, how times have changed. I was very impressed at how square the glasses made me look. I felt a bit like Arthur Miller, or to a lesser extent, the dad in American Pie.

The 3D effect itself was, frankly, cheap and distracting. 3D films are, of course, not actually 3D, but multiple 2D planes placed at various levels on the 3^rd depth axis, so the overall effect is no less exciting than a children’s popup book, but the kids seem to dig it, so who am I to rain on their parade? (Actually, truth be known, all films are in 3D when the axis of time is taken into account, but we won’t get into that. I’m no pedant.) I am, however, mildly far-sighted, which I suspect was interfering somewhat with my perception, as I found a good deal of the movie blurry. Blurry and crap.

Tim Burton of late has proven himself to be somewhat of a one-trick pony. Like many others I was blown away by Beetlejuice, Edward Scissor Hands and The Nightmare Before Christmas. Burton seemed to have grasp of a delicious mixture between the eerie and the kitsch, and a delivery that was refreshingly unique but since Sleepy Hollow Burton’s films have burrowed safely into the niche he has created for himself, complete with the terribly overused faces of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. During the film the Mad Hatter (Depp) tells the somewhat gormless Alice “You used to be so much more… Much. You’ve lost your much-ness!” I would readily suggest the same to Burton.

The script, too, left much to be desired. The set up is trite, even for a children’s film, with the 19 year-old Alice (Mia Wasikowska) struggling as a social misfit in her stifling surrounds (she rebels by not wearing a corset, like so many 19^th Century young women of the movies. If we had Rose from Titanic and Jo from Little Women the three of them could go on a road trip and punch their fists in the air from the back of a convertible.) Alice is expected to marry a stuffy red-headed Lord with no chin. This is very difficult to care about as Wasikowska herself has all the screen presence of a CGI white rabbit, which she inevitably follows down the rabbit hole, shocking her chin-wobbling, pop-eyed elders. Once down the hole the story takes a turn of an anointed child nature and it is revealed that Alice is to save Wonderland from the evil red queen, played well by Helena Bonham-Carter. In fact Bonham-Carter is one of the only performers able to break through the thick makeup and unnecessary CGI manipulation to give a decent performance.

The art direction was spectacular. In the landscape was the welcome touch of the ‘Burtonesque’ with the merciful omission of one hundred curly striped things, but with the typical addition of many ‘spooky trees’. Costumes were attractive but less than interesting, particularly those donned by Wasikowska, which felt awkwardly like an haute courtier runway contribution. In fact, throughout the film, I couldn’t help but be painfully aware of all the ‘names’ who might be involved in this, and all the self-referential back patting it was going to spur. I could visualise the Vogue shoot, the clothing lines. Style definitely overtook substance to an irritating degree and the whole thing felt achingly hip, but I guess that’s what happens when you use someone who looks like a fashion model as a lead actor. Other star performers; Alan Rickman, Stephen Fry, and Matt Lucas were used to the least of their ability, which was disappointing. Oh, and there’s some So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance-style popping and locking used as comic relief at the end with Depp’s face plastered awkwardly over the dancer’s. This seems to be symptomatic of the whole affair. Depp is an impressive performer, and has proven himself to be of the old school of multi-threat actors, who commit to performances. I’d lay five bucks on the ability for Depp to learn a dance and perform it, but once again, the nifty whiz-bangery of the modern age seems to have enchanted Burton to the point of absurdity, as he sits in his throne ordering flamingos to be used as croquet mallets and white roses painted red. Off with his head.

2 ½ stars

Look, Johnny Depp is wearing a hat. How cool.