Trawling through the arts and media related ads on Seek, I just came across this little gem:

Musician

Music is an important part of military life, with bands traditionally performing at ceremonies, parades and public events.

As a musician in the Navy, you’ll not only have the satisfaction of developing your musical skills, you’ll also experience the challenge and adventure of acquiring military skills to enable you to play a combat role if required.

Pay and Benefits

Upon completion of your Recruit Training, if you don’t hold a degree you’ll earn an approximate salary package of $62,900 p.a., whist degree qualified musicians will earn an approximate salary package of $66,300 p.a. You’ll also receive a $10,637 p.a. seagoing allowance when applicable, free healthcare and subsidised accommodation. Your salary will continue to grow based on years of service, competency and rank.

Employment Location

You may be posted to any base within Australia or possibly overseas, although overseas postings are limited.

Entry Requirements

You must be at least 17 years of age, and an Australian citizen or hold Permanent Residency status. Additional age, medical and fitness guidelines may also apply.

Education Requirements

You must have successfully completed Year 10 English and Maths.

You know something? I could do that! I could definitely do that.

To be honest, most of my knowledge of the Navy comes from things like this anyway:

So becoming a musician in the Navy makes perfect sense to me. These are men at sea for long stretches of time and someone has to provide jaunty jigs for them to tap dance to.

Plus, there don't seem to be any prerequisite skills. It doesn't even say you need to know port from starboard. It doesn't even say you need to me a particularly good musician. You probably only have to play the piano accordion anyway. I assume there will be some kind of dancing with a mop test but I could slam that shit.

And the salary! I'm a trained media professional and I don't mind admitting, it's more than I'm getting now. $63 k. That's, like, going-to-the-movies-on-a-day-that-isn't-a-Tuesday kind of money. Plus they subsidise your accommodation.

And now that women are allowed on submarines there's no stopping me! I'm going to go off and get anchor tattoos on my forearms RIGHT NOW!

Plus it'll give me a licence to swear and get heaps of ladies pregnant at port. I know I'm biologically incapable of doing that but the Navy is so progressive these days I'm sure they'll have some sort of knocking up assistance program. It's my right as a sailor.

I can't see a single flaw in this plan.